The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
