dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
