Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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