there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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