U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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