I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
did you just send me my own nude
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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