is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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