it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
