I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
