We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
