haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
