mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
