they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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