I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I would ride that face into the sunset
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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