I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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