I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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