Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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