I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
