Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize