I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
