sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
