Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
