That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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