there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
