goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
