chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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