love makes seman taste better
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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