i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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