she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize