the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
