wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
