I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
