if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
