I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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