Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
