Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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