I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
