I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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