my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
