I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
