just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My life is pants optional.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize