hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
