In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
