Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
