yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
