i think i have herpe
just one?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize