Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
