Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
