Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
