Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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