YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize