coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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