Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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