Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
