My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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