My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
