Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
