No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize