We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
