My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
