Have you finally orgasmed yet?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
