I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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