first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
