dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
