Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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