Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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