Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
