I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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