I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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