Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
