Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
