im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't deserve a penis
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
