I want to walk on stilts...naked
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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