i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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