You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
