Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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